ah.
sucks.
had a fight with my sis' again.
just amatter of sponsorship for da art festival that would be held by my school.
just...
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Kamis, 04 Oktober 2007
*prolog*
It’s Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 09.49 pm when I wrote this thing. Tomorrow will be the last day of school. Friday I will have my report book. Though tomorrow is the last day, I still have a goddamn homework to do, actually, but I pretend I don’t have one and dumped myself into this computer thinking that I could actually rebuild my writing career!
Well, just like everyone says, “it all starts with a dream. So, dream big, young boy!”.
Talking about dreams…what is your dream?
Honestly, a lot of people have popped up the question, but I never really answered the question HONESTLY. Well, I almost once. When my football teammate was listening to my bad experience with my tear poured down, finally, she asked,
“SO, basically, stev, what do you rele want?”
I bet you that it took other big tears for me to answer it with a little bit honesty.
Cause it is simply:
TO BE LOVED AND WANTED.
And that was my first time answering the question—which was asked by myself—honestly.
That was just a phrase that consists of five words. But to explain it, it takes a hell longer than 5 days. And takes much much longer to UNDERSTAND IT. Anyway, I never rele expect anyone to understand me anymore, since….NOBODY CAN.
Well, as a human being, of course, I hope there is one,,,one person that could understand my life PURELY with no judgement, no blame, no jeer, no tears…
But I guess heaven is the place, rait?
So, when would I find this heaven, anyway?that’s like one of my biggest question for this 16 years of my life.
Haah,,,
This is why I rele dunt want to write such things like blog or any kind of it.
Cause people are naturally born to JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE, and I just cant stand of that anymore. I just can’t. And after this you must judge me that I am sick.
YES, I AM SICK. I WAS SICK. I USED TO BE SICK. I HAVE BEEN SICK. I = SICK, PERFETIC, NAÏVE, MORON, DUMB ASS, CRAZY, WEIRD, GEEKS, FREAKS, whatever..
And after this, you would say that I care TOO MUCH OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY.
That I am a negative thinker. That I am too worried. That I am to selfish to think people in the same way. That I am rele weird…………………..
Well..
After this,,
You would continue to say,
“hah..no wonder she IS NOT LOVED AND WANTED..she looks her life in that way, people wouldn’t love a girl that rele thinks life in that way. She has a problem. And man likes a girl because she is SO PRETTY, not because she is fully loaded with PROBLEMS. “
(……………….)
Those words that I just wrote down were on my mind for the last years. I know he’s there pushing me to listen to it, wake up, and go get some brooms to clean up those SUCKS thoughts in my mind and to live a NORMAL LIFE, just like anybody else.
Life is just a matter of your perspective.
Life is just a matter of how you want it to be.
You are who you say you are. ..
And the list goes on and on..
Tons of proverbs that makes me believe that that’s why they are proverb,,cause they are so easy to be mentioned, but to actually do it when you live life like mine?Oh gosh…….
The thing is…….
I AM NOT NORMAL. I WAS NOT NORMAL. I HAVEN’T BEEN NORMAL. I AM NEVER NORMAL.
Then you would said, “So what?There are a lot of abnormal people but it doesn’t mean that they couldn’t live a normal life?”
Yeah, I know that too.
Now I found my dream/want/hope, fellas…
I want to see, what If someone walks on my shoes, live my life, what would she reach in her life?what would she do to survive?to struggle?to be happy?to be better?to be NORMAL?
Well, just like everyone says, “it all starts with a dream. So, dream big, young boy!”.
Talking about dreams…what is your dream?
Honestly, a lot of people have popped up the question, but I never really answered the question HONESTLY. Well, I almost once. When my football teammate was listening to my bad experience with my tear poured down, finally, she asked,
“SO, basically, stev, what do you rele want?”
I bet you that it took other big tears for me to answer it with a little bit honesty.
Cause it is simply:
TO BE LOVED AND WANTED.
And that was my first time answering the question—which was asked by myself—honestly.
That was just a phrase that consists of five words. But to explain it, it takes a hell longer than 5 days. And takes much much longer to UNDERSTAND IT. Anyway, I never rele expect anyone to understand me anymore, since….NOBODY CAN.
Well, as a human being, of course, I hope there is one,,,one person that could understand my life PURELY with no judgement, no blame, no jeer, no tears…
But I guess heaven is the place, rait?
So, when would I find this heaven, anyway?that’s like one of my biggest question for this 16 years of my life.
Haah,,,
This is why I rele dunt want to write such things like blog or any kind of it.
Cause people are naturally born to JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE, and I just cant stand of that anymore. I just can’t. And after this you must judge me that I am sick.
YES, I AM SICK. I WAS SICK. I USED TO BE SICK. I HAVE BEEN SICK. I = SICK, PERFETIC, NAÏVE, MORON, DUMB ASS, CRAZY, WEIRD, GEEKS, FREAKS, whatever..
And after this, you would say that I care TOO MUCH OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY.
That I am a negative thinker. That I am too worried. That I am to selfish to think people in the same way. That I am rele weird…………………..
Well..
After this,,
You would continue to say,
“hah..no wonder she IS NOT LOVED AND WANTED..she looks her life in that way, people wouldn’t love a girl that rele thinks life in that way. She has a problem. And man likes a girl because she is SO PRETTY, not because she is fully loaded with PROBLEMS. “
(……………….)
Those words that I just wrote down were on my mind for the last years. I know he’s there pushing me to listen to it, wake up, and go get some brooms to clean up those SUCKS thoughts in my mind and to live a NORMAL LIFE, just like anybody else.
Life is just a matter of your perspective.
Life is just a matter of how you want it to be.
You are who you say you are. ..
And the list goes on and on..
Tons of proverbs that makes me believe that that’s why they are proverb,,cause they are so easy to be mentioned, but to actually do it when you live life like mine?Oh gosh…….
The thing is…….
I AM NOT NORMAL. I WAS NOT NORMAL. I HAVEN’T BEEN NORMAL. I AM NEVER NORMAL.
Then you would said, “So what?There are a lot of abnormal people but it doesn’t mean that they couldn’t live a normal life?”
Yeah, I know that too.
Now I found my dream/want/hope, fellas…
I want to see, what If someone walks on my shoes, live my life, what would she reach in her life?what would she do to survive?to struggle?to be happy?to be better?to be NORMAL?
Senin, 01 Oktober 2007
hoow..
wow..
*get back to da writing scene again!
ya-ha.
hope that i could keep up diz account this time..
coz the last one kinda ended up badly..
haha.
gotta love da life and praise the Lord,dude!
x)
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