Jumat, 23 November 2007

3saKti speech-the finaL ;)

hey there..
i'm back..
so the speech competition went out quite well, and i got myself into the final..and i got myself as the champion..
hehe.
;)
quite a struggle.
x)
here's my speech in the final..

I want to share a story to all of you here.

It was my sixth birthday, when my father, who is known for his fond of agriculture, gave me some tiny confusing thing called seeds as a present. He said that He wanted me to plant some trees in our backyard. And to plant trees, you need what it called seeds. As a six year old girl, all I wanted was just a chocolate chip ice cream, and I got seeds? I was so pissed, because I didn’t get my chocolate ice cream, and then I even had to water the seeds every day to make it grow. He said that it was for my own good. Well, maybe I was blind, because I didn’t see that watering seeds are better than having ice cream at the moment.

That’s not just a story. Here, well, it might sound a bit funny, but I see TransJakarta, or popularly called Busway, just like the seeds. But in the TransJakarta scenario, the father would be the government, while the whole nation, especially those who stay in Jakarta, play as the six year old daughter. So, we could simplify it like this. The government gives us a present in a form of a solution for our problems, our needs, but we found it hard that it is actually what we really want and need.
We think and treat ourselves as a six year old girl who can’t deserve such modern and new present. We think the present, in this case, Busway, is not even close of solving our problems; it’s even creating a bunch of new problems. Just like the girl who thinks the seeds are just the beginning of her misery.

One thing that we all have missed is that TransJakarta, is just like the seed. It takes times to turn it from a tiny present to a huge tree with many branches and fruits. At that time, many birds would come to make the nests and sing along beautifully, a lot of people would sit down in the grass, leaning their back on the strong feet of the tree.

So, maybe now we would just keep cursing when we all get down on the road because our road is just getting smaller and smaller and the traffic might kill us at the moment. But, hey, the six year old daughter would not be six for her entire life, and the seeds would also grow into a huge tree that would shade Jakarta.

Rabu, 21 November 2007

ma' 3sakti speech ! ;)

ni copy-an dari text speech guw buat lomba speech di STIE trisakti..
hehe*
juzt thinkin' to share it to all of u guys..
mayb wanna share ur opinion?
=)
i'm welcome. ;)




I only have one simple question for all of you here.

Are you proud to be Indonesians?


This thought leads me to write some words into the speech.
After a loooong thought, I found myself loving my nationality. I’m proud because I live in a country that has a bunch of weaknesses and face tons of difficulties since the first day of our independence. Race divided us into groups, gender issues, religion issues, and until these days, money could flip us from friend to foe.

Comparing to other countries, we do not have the super sky-crapper, fabulous movies shown all over the world, or even a guy called Bill Gates. We are still crawling to end poverty. We can’t even stop floods. And in the way, we still have to face nature disasters that seem have no end.

Of course you said, “That sounds horrible.So, what’s the point of being proud?”

If we dare to look it from the bright side of it, not just from the negative side, we would see that God extremely loves us! Why? Why do you love us in that way? You might wonder. From all over the countries in this world, why us?


He made these problems so that we would care more to others and to our own society. We feel so relieved, because even though there will be dark skies with thunder and heavy rain coming to our journey, we realize that we still have others to go through it all together.

I dare to guarantee those miracles could not be found in a country that is being indulged by the super power and big towers.

So, are you coming with me?

Sabtu, 17 November 2007

about lately..*

Thursday, November 14, 2007

I realized something earlier on my bed.

Di umur guw yang udah 16 mao 17 tahun. Guw yang pastinya udah lebi gede daripada guw yang dulu-dulu.Guw yang sejak kecil gak pernah bisa lihat yang namanya kasih saying. Bahkan temen pun semua hanya sampah.Semua hanya kemunafikan yang selalu bikin guw tambah item.

Tapi saat-saat sekarang ini.Guw ngerasa benteng pertahanan guw justru makin roboh. Saat-saat dimana guw ngerasa semakin (dan rasanya terlalu) sering CURHAT. And later on, the conversation would lead me to tears.
GUW NGERASA MAKIN PAYAH.

Guw ngerasa makin jadi bullshit.
Makin lemah.
Makin gampang patah.
Makin butuh curhat.
Makin mengumbar semua kisah sedih guw sama semua orang.
Padahal sejak kecil guw gak pernah cerita” sama siapapun.
(karena memang gak ada siapapun)
Tapi skarang....

Knapa guw jadi gini?kenapa guw jadi terlalu kacau?
.......

Hari ini mood guw sangad sangad down.
Omongan waktu di mobil Rhesa tadi........
Semuanya bikin guw ngerasa kayak sampah.
Guw payah.
I’m suck.
People might say that i am such a lame.
I am such over sensitive..


Tapi..bukannya akan terus ada yang namanya……….
People say…
Mereka bilang…
Orang-orang gak akan pernah berhenti berpendapat!

Jadi..
Guw harus tetep jadi diri guw sendiri.....
Dan terus tidak mengenal kasih sayang?Terus dihina?Terus dianggap aneh?Terus dianggap jelek?

Mungkin guw sedang terlalu jauh dari Tuhan..
Mungkin......
Guw lagi PMS.
Cowo” pasti bilang gitu.
Tapi enggak.
Udah tuh dapetnya kmaren tanggal 5 .hakhak.

Huh.
Yang pasti guw sedang bertekad untuk berusaha menjadi guw yang dulu.
GAK USAH BANYAK OMONG TENTANG
HOW SUCKS MY LIFE IS.
Maybe I am destined to be ALONEE…
With no one understands me AT ALL.
People would never understand me……..


THEY WOULD KEEP HURTING ME..
BUT I MAY NOT CRY ANYMORE.

Harussss berjuang!

Minggu, 07 Oktober 2007

kekacauan awal liburan dan kerinduan TIBERIAS

Sabtu, 6 Oktober 2007 12.36


(OST. FALL OUT BOY ”INFINITY ON HIGH CD –TRACK 10)

Hari ini adalah awal dari nafas lega..the beginning of holiday. Libur Idul Fitri tepatnya. So, what’s up with the holiday—the day that I’ve been dying for to meet? I actually had tons of my dreams activities..but it all started kinda unsmooth..
Awalnya, guw dengan stupiddonya mikir kalo bagi rapot tanggal 5 Oktober, hari Jumat kmaren itu kayak ngambil rapot pada umumnya—yang diambil oleh ortu. Entah guw abis ketabrak tiang listrik di daerah mana, guw juga lupa sampe bisa mikir kayak gitu. Jelas-jelas rapot yang kmaren ini tuh baru rapot mid semester I, jadi cuma dibagiin ke muridnya aja. Dan hari itu pun sekolah jalan seperti biasa. [Liat di blog guw sebelumnya, waktu guw bilang hari Kamis itu hari terakhir sekolah.heuheu]…geblek abis dah.
Guw udah mimpi-mimpiin bahwa hari Jumat, it will be the MAKEOVER DAY. Jadi, abis bagi rapot sama nyokap, guw bakal JALAN-JALAN, ke BENNY’S CAFÉ—as always..trus, jalan ke mana gitu, dan guw pengen POTONG RAMBUT n ke M3 SKIN CARE-DOKTER KULIT.
Udah direncanain dengan sangat amat mateng dah tuh hari.
Tapi kan seperti kita semua tahu, saudara-saudara. Itu semua hanya mimpi, karena hari Jumat guw sekolah seperti biasa. Jangan lupa juga ada misa Jumat pertama—tugas kur, trus rapat PANITIA PENSI. Yak.emang dasar nenek guw mah. Bisa lupa gitu. Heho.
Walaopun rencana A gagal. Guw tetep punya rencana B untuk ’memperbaiki’ keadaan diri ini.hehe. semua rencana itu dipindah ke hari.....SABTU lha!haha.emang jenius guw. *apa c,tepp?*
Tapi lagi-lagi saudara-saudara, hari sabtu pun guw diminta tuk datang kembali ke sekolah ternyata. Hadoh.hadoh. ada apa saja? Pertama, ketemu anak” pensi lagi buat ngasih 15 ribu, modal awal jualan buat nyari duit 1 juta/minggu ituh. Kedua, anak” futsal mah katanya mao ngumpul, mao ngeband cenah. Tapi secara cermin di rumah guw cukup gede”, jadi guw pun sadar bahwa guw dikaruniai ALLAH kekuatan yang sungguh hebat untuk......TIDAK BISA BERMAIN MUSIK SAMA SEKALI.hehe. kagak ada bakat seni begini dari leluhur. Huhu. Jadi,,,rencana bertemu mereka masih cadangan. Karena kalo guw gg ikut kan punya alesan jelas.hehe. Lalu, ada lagi, kudu temani tasha yang tercinta ke percetakan.


Hadohhhhhhh.
Pasti saudara-saudara pun bingung. Dengan sebegitu banyak janji, kenapa guw sekarang, di hari Sabtu yang sedang kita bicarakan, malah bisa menulis untuk blog?hehehe.
Semuanya..............TIDAK JADI.hehehehe.
Jadi, awalnya, setelah hari Jumat siang itu guw mendapatkan JADWAL untuk keeseokan harinya...[halah.kayak artis aja guw.hehe],malamnya datanglah KAKAK guw yang pun menambah minat guw kembali untuk ke DOKTER KULIT. Karena dia pun kebetulan akan ke sana.
*perlu dicatat : agenda ke dokter kulit ini sudah sangat kudamba-damba selama berabad-abad lamanya—halah.BERLEBIHAN*
Jadi, saat kesempatan itu datang, guw pun harus mengambilnya. Jadi, jam setengah 12 malam pun guw meng-xmx tasha karena rencana dokter kulit guw kembali akan terwujud. Saat meng-xmx pun guw disertai beribu rasa bersalah dan dihujani OMELAN SIAL SEORANG YANG MENAMAKAN DIRINYA ’IBU’ di rumah guw itu. Yang guw denger pun setengah-setengah. Ialah..apa aja deh yang lw bilang. Guw capek.........

Akhirnya....akhirnya.....[dalem hati guw]
Pagi tiba jugaa...=)
Tapi tiba-tiba....
Saat kakak gw menelepon kira-kira jem setengah 8 pagi buat reservasi di dokter kulitnya, guw mendengar....
”Oh, jadi sekarang kalo mau ketemu dokter harus reservasi satu hari sebelumnya ya?”
JEGER.JEGER.JEGER.JEGER.JEGER.
Nasib.nasib.


Udah melewati aral melintang yang ada, masih juga gagal buat bersihkan diri dari azab-azab di muka guw ini.halah.halah.
Udah ngebatalin semua janji pula. Jadi guw bakal terdampar di rumah bersama wanita yang melabelkan dirinya ibu guw itu?ya Tuhan....kuatkan aku. T_________________T
Guw udah mikir guw bakal mengawali liburan guw dengan wajah dan rambut baru yang pastinya yippie...tapi ternyata begini..yah....belom waktunya mungkin *halah*

Mood guw semped down.mana pas guw ajak kaka guw buat pergi aja dari rumah jalan-jalan, dia pun menolak guw dengan hebatnya. Ga mau jalan-jalan. Jadi lengkaplah sudah kedownan dan kekecewaan guw pada dunia.*yampun. BERLEBIHAN*.
Pokonya gitu deh.susah dijelasin. Bener” malay malay malay guw jadinya.
Jadilah rencana yang terlintas di benak guw,
Kayanya udah paling bener guw bakal sering” main sama citra aja liburan ini. Ya main ke rumah dia, minta di nemenin aku ke dokter kulit plus salon, jalan nyari kado buat bokap, ngegaol gaol gaol lha pokonya.hehe.mudah”an dia mao.=)
Oia,citra itu sodara guw yang satu sekolahan sama guw,dia kelas XI. Dia lha keluarga yang paling guw sayang.Dia gg pernah bikin guw sedih/kecewa/benci kayak keluarga yang lain yang semuanya HYPOCRITES. Semuanya bullshit. Semua make topeng di mukanya. Semuanya cuma bikin guw nangis dan makin down dan makin pengen BUNUH DIRI.

Mungkin list orang yang guw sayang nomor 1 itu masih diperebutkan oleh dia dan kaka guw...hehehe...
Tapi tentu aja gg melebihi Tuhan Yesusku yang baik hati.

Ngg...gimana nih ya..kuk
guw jadi kangen gereja TIBERIAS gini??
guw takut ajah..
Kalo guw jadi kayak yang diceritain angel waktu itu,,,,,ada temennya agamanya Katolik, terus dia diajak ke TIBERIAS, eh, keterusan karena ngerasa kepanggil, and akhirnya pindah deh gereja di situ......guw...gg mungkiri guw sukaaaaaa dan seneng banget abis dari situ,,,gg mungkiri bisa aja guw kepanggil.
Tapi mo jadi apa guw kalo sampe bokap tao guw berpikir kayak gitu??bisa jadi apa guw kalo bokap tao guw KEPENGEN ke gereja itu lagi? Pas pertama guw ke sana aja, dia udah ngerutin dahi dan dengan raut wajah sini, intonasi tinggi dan gestur kesal bertanya,
"Ngapain teva ke sana?"
Ya dengan jujur guw bilang, ”Ngg,mo liat ajah. Kan teva belum pernah ikut kebaktian kayak gitu....”
Tapi hari-hari berikutnya, guw jadi kangen kangen kangen pengen ke situ lagi, pengen nangis di depan Tuhan, pengen teriakin betapa capenya guw sama beban yang guw panggul tiap harinya ini. Betapa guw gg punya orang buat diceritain dan ngerti guw selain Dia saja.
Guw rindu ngerasain saat-saat itu lagi. Kalo di gereja Katolik gg bisa gitu. Merhatiin pastor lagi serius khotbah aja, kuk kmaren pastornya malah nyeletuk gitu ke guw sama temen guw, “kamu kok terpesona banget sih ngeliat Romo?”
Yaahh....padahal waktu di TIBERIAS, semuanya justru diminta fokus buat ngedengerin apa yang lagi diomongin pendetanya..hmph.
What should I do, God?

Kamis, 04 Oktober 2007

holy..

ah.
sucks.
had a fight with my sis' again.
just amatter of sponsorship for da art festival that would be held by my school.
just...
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

*prolog*

It’s Wednesday, October 03, 2007, 09.49 pm when I wrote this thing. Tomorrow will be the last day of school. Friday I will have my report book. Though tomorrow is the last day, I still have a goddamn homework to do, actually, but I pretend I don’t have one and dumped myself into this computer thinking that I could actually rebuild my writing career!

Well, just like everyone says, “it all starts with a dream. So, dream big, young boy!”.
Talking about dreams…what is your dream?
Honestly, a lot of people have popped up the question, but I never really answered the question HONESTLY. Well, I almost once. When my football teammate was listening to my bad experience with my tear poured down, finally, she asked,

“SO, basically, stev, what do you rele want?”
I bet you that it took other big tears for me to answer it with a little bit honesty.

Cause it is simply:
TO BE LOVED AND WANTED.


And that was my first time answering the question—which was asked by myself—honestly.
That was just a phrase that consists of five words. But to explain it, it takes a hell longer than 5 days. And takes much much longer to UNDERSTAND IT. Anyway, I never rele expect anyone to understand me anymore, since….NOBODY CAN.

Well, as a human being, of course, I hope there is one,,,one person that could understand my life PURELY with no judgement, no blame, no jeer, no tears…
But I guess heaven is the place, rait?
So, when would I find this heaven, anyway?that’s like one of my biggest question for this 16 years of my life.



Haah,,,
This is why I rele dunt want to write such things like blog or any kind of it.
Cause people are naturally born to JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE, and I just cant stand of that anymore. I just can’t. And after this you must judge me that I am sick.
YES, I AM SICK. I WAS SICK. I USED TO BE SICK. I HAVE BEEN SICK. I = SICK, PERFETIC, NAÏVE, MORON, DUMB ASS, CRAZY, WEIRD, GEEKS, FREAKS, whatever..

And after this, you would say that I care TOO MUCH OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY.
That I am a negative thinker. That I am too worried. That I am to selfish to think people in the same way. That I am rele weird…………………..





Well..
After this,,
You would continue to say,
“hah..no wonder she IS NOT LOVED AND WANTED..she looks her life in that way, people wouldn’t love a girl that rele thinks life in that way. She has a problem. And man likes a girl because she is SO PRETTY, not because she is fully loaded with PROBLEMS. “
(……………….)

Those words that I just wrote down were on my mind for the last years. I know he’s there pushing me to listen to it, wake up, and go get some brooms to clean up those SUCKS thoughts in my mind and to live a NORMAL LIFE, just like anybody else.

Life is just a matter of your perspective.
Life is just a matter of how you want it to be.
You are who you say you are. ..

And the list goes on and on..
Tons of proverbs that makes me believe that that’s why they are proverb,,cause they are so easy to be mentioned, but to actually do it when you live life like mine?Oh gosh…….

The thing is…….
I AM NOT NORMAL. I WAS NOT NORMAL. I HAVEN’T BEEN NORMAL. I AM NEVER NORMAL.
Then you would said, “So what?There are a lot of abnormal people but it doesn’t mean that they couldn’t live a normal life?”
Yeah, I know that too.


Now I found my dream/want/hope, fellas…
I want to see, what If someone walks on my shoes, live my life, what would she reach in her life?what would she do to survive?to struggle?to be happy?to be better?to be NORMAL?

Senin, 01 Oktober 2007

hoow..

wow..
*get back to da writing scene again!
ya-ha.
hope that i could keep up diz account this time..
coz the last one kinda ended up badly..
haha.
gotta love da life and praise the Lord,dude!
x)